Challenges

So my huge (to me) challenge in my life right now is Callen's incredible defiance, especially in sacrament meeting. Last week (April 19, 2009) was particularly bad. He just does not know how to whisper, which is not particularly a bad thing unless you do not know how to not be talking either. The kid will not sit still, be quiet, obey, not hit his sister (or his mom for that matter), read a book, color, or do anything in sacrament meeting that is remotely reverent. When I try to talk to him calmly I can not say anything before he completely wigs out and I just have to take him out. We spent the majority of sacrament meeting with him strapped in his car seat until he could convince me he was going to be reverent. So we went back in and as soon as we walked into the chapel he saw Addie sitting with our friends and immediately started yelling (not joking) ," Connel Connel, I want to sit with Connel!" And of course because of how he is I could not get him to be quiet long enough to explain why Addie was sitting with them or to say okay you can take a turn with them. It is so frustrating. So he did go sit with them and I just sat in my seat and started crying. I was so exhausted and overwhelmed. I tell this story because it is what happens next that makes it all worth it. Addie noticed my temporary small breakdown and just smiled at me. I tried to pull it together before I had to take her to primary. As I took her to the primary room she happily went and sat down in her seat so I walked out the door only to hear Addie running after me. She threw herself on my legs and said. "Mommy, mommy I just wanted to tell you I love you." It was the cutest thing i had ever heard. Just the spontaneity, sincerity, and simplicity of the way she said it was so wonderful. She tells me she loves me all the time but it is usually after I say it to her first. I got all teary again but for a completely different reason. My heart melted and my anger (yes I am admitting that I was angry with my son) and frustration slipped away and I knew that my Heavenly Father knew what I needed. It could not have been at a better time. She was so sweet and loving to me and it is those sweet moments when i can see the blessings in my life and know that Addie loves me but even more that my Heavenly Father loves me. I know that he knows how much of a challenge Callen is and he was reassuring me that I am loved and I can take a breath. It was a very special and much needed experience.